Will I regret not having a second child? Well…
Whether your answer is affirmative or negative, or you’re still confused about having a second child, read this guide until the end.
I have just one simple objective in this article: CLARITY.
To provide all the necessary information, you’ll need to make a decision that best fits your interest.
Also, whether you decide to have a second child or not, both decisions are equally valid, with their pros and cons.
These are some of the major things we’ll discuss in this guide.
Why Do Some Mothers Regret Having A Second Child?
Regrets are testaments of our limitations as humans.
And at some point in our lives, we’ll have to deal with regrets—it’s a reality we can’t outrun.
However, what matters most is how we handle regrets, how we deal with situations in the face of regrets, and, most importantly, how we strive to avoid occasions that lead to regrets.
Statistically, countless moms plus parents across the world have spilled how they regret having a second child, giving all sorts of reasons, and I can only tell you one thing:
THEY ARE NOT WRONG!
If we search for reasons some mothers or parents are not interested in having a second child, the reasons might be too much to collect.
This means there are many reasons why a second child is not welcome in some homes. Unfortunately, the reasons are so many that we can’t possibly talk about all of them in this guide.
That said, what we’ll be discussing in the following few paragraphs, is the most basic and common reasons why mothers regret having a second child.
Toxic Parenting From Childhood
Some mothers are raised in a toxic lifestyle during their childhood. They were never shown enough love and care. They didn’t witness a good, loving relationship between their parents—just nagging and abusing all day.
Such experience tends to set a model in their mental space subconsciously.
She becomes a victim of toxic parenting and subconsciously begins to play down her self-worth.
Maybe I’m not worth it. Perhaps I don’t deserve to be here. Maybe I don’t even deserve to exist at all.
She’ll say all that to herself.
She’ll feel it. She’ll believe it.
The continuity of that toxic experience makes it worse.
Hatred sets in—hatred for the parents.
Before long, she’ll begin to hate herself too.
This goes on long enough, and she begins to project the same hatred toward those around her.
Mothers like this grow up resolving to never be like their parents (if they ever become a parent)
But something happens along the way.
They finally meet that guy who makes them feel good about themselves, that guy who restores their lost self-worth and who makes up for their lost childhood. Then they fall in love and, eventually, get married.
After the first child, the guy wants another one, and in most cases, she’ll give in because she loves her home.
All this while, she might not have recognized the toxic patterns she subconsciously inherited from her parents.
Understand this: as humans, when we complain too much about a particular subject (maybe our parents, political leaders, etc.), when we finally become a leader or parent, we tend to become what we once fought against.
So now, as a parent, feeling the heat of taking care of more than one child, sacrificing her time and comfort for the sake of the children, she begins to pass off her toxic experience (in the form of stress, anxiety, and all of that) on them.
But sooner than later, she’ll recognize what she has done. And once again, she’ll hate herself for it.
The children will also despise her for it once they reach the age of reasoning.
Not just that. They’ll despise themselves as well. And so the cycle goes on and on.
Having more than one child in such a situation is worse because she could have easily corrected the whole thing if she had only one child.
But what if I settled for just one child? Perhaps the situation would’ve been different. Perhaps I could easily recognize the need of the child because I only have that one child to focus on.A thought from one of the mothers who regretted having a second child
Childbirth Plus Post-partum Depression
The whole experience from pregnancy to childbirth is not child’s play. And sometimes, post-partum depression (depression that occurs after delivery) kicks in.
Some mothers who gave birth to more than one kid complained bitterly about the multiple times they suffered labor complications and post-partum depression.
And one of the major problems with post-partum depression is that it f_cks up the mind very badly.
So when a woman experiences such on multiple occasions, she sees things differently.
Having discovered what is happening to her, regrets and anger pile up.
Sometimes, the mother begins to lash out at the kids because of her anxiety and numerous mood swings (byproducts of depression)
Understand this: depression in its outward form is anger and is usually expressed through aggression—it’s a chain reaction.
That’s precisely why depression is dangerous, not just to the bearer but to the outside world.
The Daily Struggles Of Motherhood
What some mothers regretted wasn’t just about having kids but the responsibilities, struggles, and limitations that come with it.
This is because the moment a woman gives birth, it’s expected that she prioritizes the baby’s needs over hers.
She can’t do whatever she likes at whatever time she sees fit.
So it seems like her freedom is gradually slipping off her hands.
No one is fully happy when their freedom is taken away, not even by a baby.
Perhaps she decides to endure till the child is old enough.
Since she has already decided, she’s not going through such a process again.
Augustine Brown said her children are the best things that have ever happened to her, while she also said, “what I’m struggling with is that it feels like their amazing life comes at the expense of my own.”
Another mother said, “I felt oppressed by my constant responsibility for them.”
This is undoubtedly one of the most prevalent reasons some mothers regret having a second child.
It’s also one of the reasons I completely agree to.
I mean, what’s the point of giving birth to several kids you can’t possibly take care of?
Some mothers have expressed their regrets about having a second child because they could no longer meet up to the financial demands of life.
And lacking finance is too much of a risk for parents because it deprives the children of quality experiences—good education, health, and lifestyle.
Things would’ve been better if the parents had given birth to one child. And easier.
Another good reason why some mothers have regretted having a second child.
This is because the husband begins to misbehave at a certain point in some marriages.
He starts neglecting his duties, drinking and sleeping around, becoming toxic and aggressive towards the children, and eventually, the mother takes care of everything herself.
This goes on long enough, and the parents get separated. Finally, the load becomes too much for the mother alone.
It might not be about money but emotional support. Taking care of the kids and everything herself gets her frustrated.
She begins to develop regrets because she knows the situation would’ve been different if she had only one child to care for.
What To Understand About Having/Not Having A Second Child
Except for those with a sense of indifference towards kids, having your first child is always a call for celebration, but we can’t always say the same about the second.
And just like I said initially, this is because some mothers are okay with having only one child.
However, there are also a ton of mothers out there who would love to have more than one child, and that’s super okay.
On that note, if you’re ever considered having more than one child, here are a few things you need to have in mind:
You Won’t Be Raising A Lonely Child
Most mothers who end up having just one child confess that the child usually gets lonely from time to time.
And this usually starts between the stages of preschool and adolescence.
But on the other hand, giving birth to two or more kids creates a healthy bonding between siblings.
They’re never lonely, and They’reways look out for one another.
You Won’t Be Raising A Selfish Child
Most children who are born alone end up being selfish in life. They are careless about everything but themselves.
Even as a mother having just one child, you’ll likely give the child all the attention in the world.
So the child sees himself as the center of attention.
For this reason, they tend to feel as though the world revolves around them because they’ve been showered with attention all their life.
If the parents don’t recognize such a problem early on and try to correct it, the child may become an unhealthy narcissist.
And guess what?
Such kids will prey on the emotional state of other kids.
They’ll end up hurting (either physically or emotionally) other kids while in school.
If this continues long enough, they might hurt their prospective life partners.
But on the reverse, having more than one kid will teach them early in life about the art of love.
And because love is selfless, they’ll understand the value of sacrifice at an early age.
They’ll also see the need for partnership and unity.
They won’t feel like they don’t need others, and most importantly, they’ll learn to consider other peoples’ happiness rather than just thinking everything is about them.
It’s Easier To Take Care Of You On Your Worst Days
You’ll probably get sick at a certain point in life and need someone by your side.
So if you have just one child, things could get complicated because the child may have other life activities to attend to, which might affect him.
But on the other hand, having more than one kid makes everything better because, this time, it’s easier for the children to handle your needs (they could even take turns) and every other care that needs to be put in place.
You Could Lose Your Only Child
Not having a second child is quite risky on this part.
Inasmuch as we don’t expect such an experience, it’s only proper to consider every possible variable.
Let’s face it; life is unpredictable.
Things could go south and result in the loss of your only child.
And believe it or not, some mothers are already in such situations today.
You can only imagine the emotional pain they go through daily.
How they’ll spend the rest of their life childless, with no one close enough to take care of them during their worst days (old age and sick days)
Hey, I’m not trying to scare you. All I’m saying is if you ever choose not to have a second child, be aware of the future possibilities of such reality.
On the reverse side, having a second or third child limits the chances of such an experience.
No child is expendable quite alright, but when fate creates a void, there should be other measures to help fill the space, no matter how long it takes, as long as it compensates the loss to an extent.
Understand That People Will Talk No Matter What You Do
No matter how many kids you decide to have, chances are, people will still come up with all sorts of talks ranging from unnecessary suggestions, gossip, and negative comments.
They’ll tell you how bad it is to have just one child.
They’ll doubt you have the resources to care for two or three children.
Four or more, and they’ll ask if the numbers are worth it.
In the end, it’s only wise you follow your guts. You know what you can and cannot do, play according to your strengths and strive for happiness.
No woman should feel the need to be pressured into having kids, not even by the husband, because in most cases, when the baby arrives, the mother will always be the primary.
What’s best is to have a proper discussion with your partner and make sure the both of you are on the same page, not just about when to have a kid(s) but also the number of kids that’ll be suitable for you both to handle.
Finally, I have given you what’s needed to understand the pros and cons of any decision you take on this matter.
On that note, take it slow, and think it through before proceeding with your decision-making.
All you have to do is reason with your partner and make a choice that offers you the most advantages with less discomfort.
Feel free to let me know what you think in the comment section.
Until then, stay safe.